We all have old beliefs that put us under pressure. Usually, they appear as a nagging voice inside our head and often they show in our face.
1) Inner Critic
What I often notice with my clients is that their inner critic is holding them back the most. The inner critic often corrupts any new projects that we would like to engage in by rating them as silly or stupid. Often this voice also stops us from leaving an aggressive work environment.
2) Comfort Zone
For most of us, we feel comfortable at a certain career step, in a country, relationship or home. Moving out of it would mean a lot of adjustment and discomfort. We play it safe and our focus is not on opportunities but on maintaining the status quo.
3) Please the Parents
Have you ever felt a little down after spending a weekend with your parents or one of them? Could it be that you are still trying to please your parents or members of your family? Being a good daughter or a good son is fine as long as it does not mean that you are giving up your own wishes and needs. When you are over forty, it’s time your parents accept that you are not a child anymore and that guidance should turn into moral support for you and your plans.
4) Fear disguised as Pain
Some of us disguise fear with pain. I have to admit I have severe back pain when I am about to publish a book. Sometimes I can’t even move anymore. You might have other symptoms but most of these are just fear. Once you recognize that your fear is corrupting you via your body you can deal with this for example by learning progressive muscle relaxation.
Wanting to be perfect and not accepting any flaws or individual styles can be a sign that you (live in Switzerland – hahaha) might have a low self-confidence. You feel that if you don’t look perfectly and if you don’t present your content in a perfect manner people won’t like you as much. I have learnt and learn it again every day that people like me more when I am honest about my little flaws, when I show them emotion as I get sad or angry about injustice, when I tell them how I have been struggling with my weight for twenty years, when I mention that I suffered from separation anxiety and other issues. People don’t connect with superheroines and superheroes. They want role models, who have a real life. Keep the fairy tales and sugar coats of the life of the royals and VIPs on Facebook. If you want to really connect with people, open up a little. (This is a pledge to my Swiss and German friends too.)
6) Lack of Purpose
Have you ever felt bored out as if you were working in a factory? I remember a summer job I did in 1989 to earn money for a holiday in Italy. I worked in our local coat hanger manufacturer (Coronet). Every time I see a coat hanger I’m reminded of those days where you did endless manual tasks that required no brain, but you had to be very fast and I never managed to beat the machine. This experience made me realize how much I wanted to go to university and work in a job, that was diverse and needed a lot of creative energy. However, in the 2000’s in HR a lot of jobs were reengineered to become more factory-like. I moved up the ladder not because I needed a career but because the jobs became so boring after eighteen months. At about the same time I read, “Calm at Work” by Paul Wilson (1997) and it changed how I viewed my work. I started to paint a vision of my future life in words. I wrote down what and who is important to me. Sometimes I look at those notes and smile. Having a long-term vision and defining your purpose in the world might help you to get out of the boredom syndrome. Or, it might just be time to move on. (Please talk to me first.)
7) Efficiency Mania
You don’t believe how many times in a week I hear my inner voice saying “This is not efficient at all”. Do you have a strong belief in efficiency? Could it be that this belief is not working in your new country, job, relationship or with your children? It might be that you need to let go of the concept of efficiency and turn towards effectivity. Efficiency is a concept that might work in production and for machines but people are no robots. You need to work with them in a way that leads to the desired outcome without overwhelming, hurting or losing them in the process. Our complex global processes and matrix organizations today often require lateral leadership and you might need to learn to let go of your notion of efficiency in order to become more effective as a global leader. I used to believe that coffee breaks with my team are a waste of time until I learnt in India that they improved the work during the day.
If you noticed any of these beliefs as barriers in your development feel free to discuss them with me in your next session or book a session on Skype with me.
Do let me know if you want to join us.
Background on Beliefs: