Over the last few weeks, in several conversations, I noticed a pattern: People reach out for a “coffee chat” or “exchange” on LinkedIn or by email, and then they usually want to sell something directly. While I can understand this as a business owner and as someone who also needs to make money, this is not the kind of “exchange” I am looking for. 

What most of us need in informal exchanges is mutual benefit based on the 3Fs (Friends, Fame, Fortune). At the same time, if you are reaching out to an expert or more senior professional, you might need to be more mindful and sensitive to their time commitments. I would like to add general guidelines based on what I am noticing and hearing.

1 – Respect Their Time

If you requested the meeting, you need to keep the ball in your court and prepare thoroughly. Follow through with an action and the concrete meeting organization. Send a calendar invite, suggest a restaurant or café near their work, and confirm how much time they will have. Don’t leave the organization and details to them, and avoid having them follow up with you. Plan ahead. Most people here have a full agenda for months ahead. If you want them to speak, book the slot on their calendar. Also, if you request a meeting, have your questions and agenda ready. 

If you are speaking with a business advisor, consultant, or coach, you should at least offer to pay the bill. (I am getting increasingly frustrated with people assuming that my time is free. If you go to the hairdresser or a doctor, you don’t make that assumption either. Why do you assume that an advisor has time to give away?)

2 – Understand Cultural Differences

Following up is never just a neutral reminder. Across cultures, it can signal professionalism, interest, persistence, disrespect, awareness of hierarchy, or even pressure. The same message can be read as helpful in one context and rude or desperate in another. In some cultural contexts, directness is a sign of trust, but even in the Germanic cultures, there are differences in how direct one can be and with whom. Don’t mistake friendliness in Switzerland for trust. People might be friendly, but this doesn’t mean you are their friend. Stay professional and build trust over time.

3 – Mentors Need Frameworks Too

If you are looking for a mentor, you need to take responsibility for the mentoring relationship. You bring the agenda, and you arrange the meetings and cadence. Many in-house mentors will happily support you out of the goodness of their hearts. Sometimes, they will also learn from you. However, you can’t expect them to be available 24/7. Usually, you would agree a timeframe (one year), cadence (one monthly online meeting) and goals (up to three). I would also recommend including a kick-off meeting to discuss the collaboration, a mid-program review, and an end-of-program review. A good mentoring program would include such elements. However, if you are looking for a mentor online or via LinkedIn, you would be in charge of organizing the relationship.

4 – Experts Need Media Visibility

Most subject matter experts are generally overwhelmed with work commitments. If you want to gain their attention, you need to improve their media visibility and introduce them as speakers on panels or at events. Speaking engagements will move the needle for any expert and increase their media exposure. So, if you ask for their time, you should explain how you plan to publish the expert interview you are conducting with them (see the HireMeExpress video on Expert Interviews, or check out my Red Couch Talks for an example).

5 – Remember Email as an Alternative to LinkedIn

There are 1001 reasons why people will not respond to your messages on social media. The most common reason is that you are not a priority for them, or they do not know who you are. Another reason is that many busy professionals are not always on LinkedIn. I am currently receiving responses to messages from August and September. Do I care? No. Because the people I actually want to talk to are the ones I can always email or call. 

My circle of friends and trusted acquaintances also reads my newsletter. We don’t communicate only through one medium. And if you need an expert to introduce you to another expert by email, it might be a good idea to draft the email for them, so they only have to forward it. 

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